I don’t want to open my graduation robe packet. I’m scared to say how old I am in fear that being old might actually kick in. Elementary school feels like a dream. I hardly recognize myself in the mirror. Finally, I just realized that tomorrow might be the last time I see people for the rest of my life. (heart drops)
I’m naturally not a miss-er. When things end, I move on. When people leave, I find something else to occupy my time. I’m not a miss-er. But this last hour I’ve felt more missing feelings than I have in a long time! I’m going to miss my friends. I’m going to miss those random people in class that I barely knew. I’m going to miss the campus (even though it’s ugly.) I’m going to miss all the conversations and laughs. I’m going to miss seeing people everyday. I’m going to miss all the pains I went through to grow up.
Graduating feels like throwing out a pair of old shoes. I know a need a new pair, but my old shoes went through so much; They have seen me at my highs and my lows. I’m attached. For once in my life I’m attached to the life I have now. But in that acceptance, I’ve found an ability to let go. There is a sign over my bed that says “Dare To Let Go.” I guess it’s time to heed that advice.
Why do I keep longing for something I don’t have? Why do I think that a non-existent thing justifies leaving another behind? It makes no sense in my head, but somewhere in my heart it does. Is this my gut or my failure of appreciation talking?